Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
