so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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