I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
