we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i dont even know how to be here
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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