yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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