Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
