I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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