I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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