I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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