I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
