Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
