dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
