when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
