I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
