I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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