I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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