next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
