Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
