Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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