I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
