my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
People in love make me want to vomit
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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