She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
