I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
