The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
