You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
