oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
