now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
