not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
