if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you made out with another girl for some wings
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
