I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
