New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
