3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
