I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
