If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I fill condoms, not promises.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
