you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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