no, he came in my armpit
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
