we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
