Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
