conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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