You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
