he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
