I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
