thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
