I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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