you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
