I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
