The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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