Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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