so let's talk penis.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
