dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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