I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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